12 Gentle Parenting Phrases to Make Talking with Kids Easier

1. “With that said…”

When we use “but” in sentences like “I love you, but…” it can make kids feel as if we’re diminishing our love or empathy. Instead, try “alongside” to show both emotions coexist. For example, “I love you. With that said, I can’t let you hurt others.”

2. “I need you to…”

Avoid phrasing commands as questions if the choice isn’t optional. Instead of “Can you get ready for bed?” say, “I need you to get ready for bed, please.” Clear directions help reduce power struggles and make expectations known.

When you phrase it as an “I need” kids can better understand that they are helping you by doing that task.

3. “I notice…”

This phrase allows you to observe situations without judgment, which can prevent defensiveness. Saying “I notice both of you want that toy,” acknowledges the situation without assigning blame, creating a space for problem-solving.

4. “Tell me more…”

Asking “Tell me more about…” shows curiosity and encourages kids to express themselves without feeling judged. It works for misunderstandings or when they’re proud of a new creation. For example, “Tell me more about your drawing,” is a great conversation starter.

5. “I love watching you…”

Letting children know we’re observing them in positive ways helps build their self-esteem. If you’re kids are anything like mine they are already asking you a million times a day to watch them do literally everything from getting themselves cereal to doing a jump on the trampoline.

Phrases like “I love watching you draw or play the guitar” show kids we value their interests and efforts, deepening our bond.

6. “What do you think you could do…?”

Instead of stepping in with solutions, invite kids to think through challenges themselves. This helps build independence and critical thinking. For example, “What do you think you could do to make your friend feel better?” “What do you think you could have done differently in that situation?”

7. “How can I support you…?”

There are moments when kids need our help, but we want them to remain responsible. Phrasing it as “How can I support you in cleaning up this mess?” helps them to take charge of challenging things they need to do while knowing they have our support at the same time.

8. “Here’s what I know…”

When kids insist on something untrue, avoid causing an argument. Start with “Here’s what I know…” to address a lie without triggering your child’s defenses. For example, “Here’s what I know: toys don’t move by themselves.”

9. “Help me understand…”

This approach helps to open communication, especially when you’re trying to figure out what actually happened. “Help me understand how this toy ended up here” shows them you are curious, not accusing.

11. “Thank you…”

Acknowledging your child’s efforts, big or small, reinforces positive behaviors and shows appreciation. “Thank you for setting the table” or “Thank you for being patient while I was busy” validates their actions.

It also makes them more likely to repeat these positive behaviors in the future.

12. “I love you…”

No phrase is more powerful than these three words. Through every struggle or misunderstanding, “I love you” reminds kids that they are valued and safe, regardless of any challenges. Consistently expressing love is the foundation of a strong, resilient relationship.

We need to teach our kids that love is unconditional. Regardless of what they do good or bad we will still love them. Like I always tell my kids, bad choices have consequences, but there is nothing they can do that will make me stop loving them.

Using these phrases in our daily interactions can create a positive, respectful environment that helps kids feel understood and supported, even when times are tough. And remember, we all make mistakes. Showing love, kindness, and understanding, both for our children and ourselves, is what truly matters in the end.