You’ve probably noticed how challenging it has become to stay connected with your teenage daughter lately. It’s almost as if overnight, your little baby turned into a complex teenager who seems less interested in spending time together.
Between managing work, homeschooling, and keeping our household afloat, I’ve found myself feeling increasingly disconnected from our teenager, which has me feeling a little sad.
Even though the teenage stage is hard, doesn’t mean the end of a close relationship with your daughter. I’ve learned some pretty genius hacks, backed by parenting experts and my own experiences, that can help you get through this without losing the connection you have with your teen.
Why do teenagers stop talking to their parents?
Honestly, teenagers naturally pull away from parents. This isn’t because they don’t love us or appreciate our efforts.
One parent on Reddit shared, teenagers must establish their own identities separate from ours. They’re not abandoning us—they’re exploring who they are. It’s our job to provide a safe and loving environment, even when it feels like they’re pushing us away.
Dr. Justin Coulson’s research in his book “Miss-Connection” highlights that teenagers deeply crave authentic connections with their parents. The trick isn’t to force closeness but rather to approach connection subtly and intentionally.
Teenagers are really going through a lot, from transitioning into high school, dealing with hormones, and changing aspects of socialization and more complex emotions.
So, it makes sense that their interactions with you are going to change. We need to understand these changes as parents and try to connect with them in different ways.
I’ll share some ideas below!
Relate to Your Daughter
The days of bringing our daughters into our worlds are shifting. Instead, we need to enter theirs.
When was the last time you asked her about what she’s really into?
I learned from another mom who began letting her daughter DJ during car rides. She discovered new favorite artists and, even though she didn’t love all the music, it sparked meaningful conversations.
Similarly, maybe your daughter is obsessed with anime or video games. Instead of casually asking, dive deeper—ask her to recommend her favorites or show you how to play.
I started playing Fortnite with my kids during the pandemic and we still play together. Not only does this help my husband and I bond with our teenager, we love spending time playing with each other for a mini date night too!
You also need to put yourself in her shoes.
Remember what it was like when you were a teenager.
The other day I was getting upset about something my teenager wanted to watch on Netflix. I was struggling to go of that control a little more.
My mom (grandma) reminded me of some of the ways I had behaved as a teen, much worse than our teenager TBH…. and this opened my eyes to how I needed to reward our teenager a little bit more for such good behavior.
Don’t Miss Opportunities to Talk
Interestingly, one of the best spaces for conversations with teenagers happens to be the car.
Research supports this—the absence of direct eye contact and the casual environment often make teens more comfortable opening up. Next time you’re out, try an ice cream run or let her choose the playlist.
You’ll be amazed at how effortlessly conversations unfold when there’s less pressure.
Listening More, Talking Less
One thing that’s really important as a parent, especially of teens and tweens: listen more, speak less. It’s simple yet so powerful.
Teens often shut down because they’re expecting unsolicited advice or judgment.
Parenting experts emphasize the importance of validating our kids’ feelings without rushing to “fix” their problems.
Resist the urge to jump in with solutions right away. Instead, ask open-ended questions like, “How did that make you feel?” or “What do you think you want to do about it?”
Creating Special Moments
The best connections aren’t always planned grand gestures—they’re spontaneous and authentic.
Another mom shared that her daughter remembers the little things like surprise snacks after tough school days or spontaneous trips to the pet store.
…and honestly some of my best memories as a teenager were helping my mom (who was a single mama) take care of our dogs, going on vet visits and pet store trips.
Finding simple, regular ways to show her that you see and appreciate her matters so much. It’s the little things that reinforce that she is loved and understood, exactly as she is.
Embracing Humor and Vulnerability
Another teen mom survival tip is using humor to navigate teenage moods and tension.
Whether it’s sending silly memes, laughing about your own teen experiences, or just admitting when you’re feeling awkward or disconnected—it helps get rid of the tension.
Remember, vulnerability isn’t weakness; it strengthens bonds by building genuine trust… and sets that example for your daughter that it’s okay to be vulnerable herself.
Remember this!
Ultimately, connecting with our daughters in doesn’t mean you need to reinvent yourself as a mom or become this perfect parent.
It’s about consistency, authentically showing interest, and actively listening.
Remember, even though your teenager might seem distant now, your ongoing love and efforts aren’t going to be forgotten—they’re building the foundation for a lifelong relationship.
As long as you’re doing your best that’s more than enough.
Have you tried any of these strategies? What are your favorite ways to connect with your daughter? Drop your stories and thoughts in the comments below or email me at sammyapproves at gmail.com —I’d love to hear them!
Leave a Reply