10 Reasons a Messy House Doesn’t Make You a Failed Parent

Is this messy house scene familiar to you?

Piled up laundry that no matter how hard you try never seems to get lower,  piled up dishes in the sink that you have the same issue with, and scattered toys sprawled across the house.

Well, it’s my reality most days and I’m not going to lie. When my home is cluttered it makes me feel like a failure. Like a failure as a parent, as a wife, a failure to myself.

What is a messy house?

As a parent a messy house may just mean extra clutter. 

Here’s the truth:

A messy house just means that people live in your house. Some of those people might be noisy, rambunctious, and very messy. (Your kids!)

You are probably exhausted from everything that involves parenting and living a normal life. So, some of the chores you would have time to do if your kids were older or if you were single fell by the wayside. 

Can a messy house cause anxiety?

It is my honest belief that a messy house can cause anxiety if you let it.

Would you feel better if the house was glittering clean? Probably, yes.

But, is it worth sacrificing your emotional well being to try and maintain a perfect house while raising little ones while working outside the home, inside the home, or just homemaking? NO!

Is having a messy house normal?

If you’re raising any number of kids then yes, having a messy house is completely normal. 

Kids are messy, throw in a couple of dogs and you’ve got double the trouble. :) 

How can I deal with messy house stress?

Set priorities for yourself. Work, playing with the kids, making dinner, and having time to take a shower are needs.

If you can’t fulfill all of your and your families personal needs while getting the house clean then put the stress of your messy house on the side for now.

Know that:

• The whole house may not need to be clean. But, you can do a few small things that will make you feel better. Unloading the dishes or folding laundry for 5 minutes. Celebrate those small accomplishments.
• You have children and they are constantly making a mess. You could pick up all the toys off the floor and 10 seconds later they will be back on the floor. Having a messy house with kids is normal.
• You might be too mentally exhausted at this moment to always make sure the house is clean.  That’s okay! Asking for help, hiring a maid, or leaving the clutter for now is all okay.
• When you have extra time or energy you will get the house clean. Even if it only stays clean for a few minutes or hours.
• Realize that you aren’t the only parent who has a hard time keeping a perfectly clean home.
• Also realize you don’t know how parents with clean homes keep it that way. Maybe they shoved all the junk in one room before you came to visit or maybe they have a maid.

What are the positives of having a messy house?

1. Focus– Now that you aren’t obsessing about getting every cobweb dusted you have more time to focus on the family and yourself. We only live once and time spent with our kids and family is precious.Use this time to help your kids with their homework, read to them, play with them. After working on my   Spend some time focusing on yourself too. Start a hobby, a business, or take some time out to relax.
2. Less Nagging– I often wonder how I would keep my home spotless without constantly nagging and getting frustrated with my kids.There is no way I could keep up with it every day on my own.I’m sure there is some secret formula that I am not getting, but I am happy that not being so strict on a perfectly tidy home means my children hear less nagging from me.
3. Happiness– Kids don’t care about having a spotless home.They want to play, laugh, and be loved.When the kids are happy, playing, and laughing there really is no reason to feel guilt that you didn’t get to folding all the clothes that day.
4. No One Cares– Unless you are throwing a fancy party, no one probably cares that there is a little more clutter in your home.This is your safe space and you can only do what works for you in the moment.There is no need to get so down in the dumps about something that only your family sees most of the time.
5. That Lived In Feeling– Your home got messy because people are living in it.When your home is spotless it loses that “lived in” feeling. It’s nice when your kids can feel like they can get out their toys and play without ruining that spotless house. Or when guests can come over and not worry about messing anything up.
6. More Rest– More time to rest means a happier, healthier momma. What good are you to your kids if you are wearing yourself ragged trying to clean. By not obsessing over every mess you are giving yourself the energy you need to keep up with your kids.
7. Valuable Lessons– Not having everything perfectly clean teaches our kids that we don’t always have to be perfect.That includes keeping a perfect house.
8. Self Worth– Take a moment and think about all the things you HAVE done today.Maybe you didn’t get to your chores, but I’m sure there are a lot of other mini accomplishments to take note of.Those accomplishments might be changing diapers, giving the dogs & kids a bath,  packing homemade lunches for your family, dancing with your toddler. Your self worth increases as you are able to accomplish more when you aren’t worrying about a perfect house.

The truth is, we work so hard as parents. It’s easy to take something as simple as chores and blow it up into a huge cloud of anxiety, stress, and a feeling of failure. But, we need to stop and take a look at the good in our lives.

The happiness of our kids, spouse, and ourselves is more important than a clean home. There will always be another day to get your home all sparkly. Let’s take today to think of our victories as parents and the positive.

I’m giving you permission to put that laundry/dish pile out of your mind to focus on yourself, your family, and the things most important. 

How about you? Do you feel guilty when your house is cluttered? How do you get rid of that feeling of failure? I would love to hear from you in the comments below!